JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Angry with My Father

Things with Mom are spiraling out of control. So, since the whole shtick with Dad, Mom's been put on Oxycontin, had two seizures and a fever, and has basically barely been awake. She's barely eating or drinking, and they've put swabs by her bed so that her mouth can be swabbed. Today, Dad invited the private caregiver to work 8 hours instead of 4, starting tomorrow.

Hospice says that they're unlikely to move her to the hospice house because according to them, she's not "actively dying." I pushed the social worker that if she's not eating or drinking, sleeping most of the day, and having seizures, then how can she possibly make it much longer? She suggested that I push my father to hire the caregiver 24/7 instead. While I had offered two weeks ago to come back if she'd organize a family meeting with hospice, she suggested that it would work out without me having to come home.

So I tried calling my father right afterward, and I offered to pay for the rest of the hours for the private caregiver out of my own pocket. He told me unequivocally no. He told me that I was just being emotional, and that he just doubled the hours so I shouldn't be complaining. I said, "if I want to pay for it, what does it matter to you if she has the extra care?" He told me that his steak dinner was getting cold and so he wouldn't discuss it further.

I hung up the phone and shouted "fuck you!" three times. I'm REALLY angry with him. I'm frustrated that hospice won't intervene more on her behalf and that the social worker talked me out of coming home two weeks ago to try and fix things before my father had officially solidified his position. I'm tired of fighting for my mother's care. And I fear that she's going fast.

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Blogger April_optimist said...

Big, big (((((((hugs)))))))). My heart goes out to you. There are no easy answers and your father....I want to shake him! I wish you had someone to be a support to you as you go through all of this.

Saturday, October 11, 2008 12:30:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks April - I do have many people who support me through this: you and my other blog readers and my friends locally and around the U.S. and Israel.

Saturday, October 11, 2008 1:03:00 PM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Oh, Wow, Karma. I can't even imagine what you're going through. How your father is acting is beyond frustrating! Aaacckkk! I'm so sorry. I dunno, the hospice folks don't sound as compassionate to me as I've always heard they were either. I know you are trying your best to do the right and loving and compassionate thing.
Safe, warm ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

I want to send you kudos for putting up your previous post as well. Thanks for raising awareness. I will read more and use your links when I feel more up to the task.

Thinking of you.

Friday, October 17, 2008 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

Are you okay, Karma? How is your mother doing? My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sunday, November 02, 2008 2:13:00 PM  

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