JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Dog Visits Mom; Karma Nightmare

I brought my dog to visit Mom. After I put the dog on her lap, I said to her "Do you like the dog?" She got this very big smile. She even sort of pet the dog as the dog gave her many kisses.

Last night, I had a nightmare. I was in Kansas City on a highway and noticed an exit to some interesting small village and thought I'd check it out. I had to get out of the car and walk across this path. There was water there, and a guy came by to offer to help me across with his upright scooter. But after I got on, he attempted to rape me. I got away and went into a diner or something. That part's a little fuzzy.

I remember needing to go meet a friend, so I got in my car and got back on the highway. My friend blew me off, so I ended up at some large stadium. I went to the bathroom, and while in the stall heard a tv report that someone at the stadium had murdered an Arab. I tried to call my dad with my cell to ask him for help since he knows chief's of police around Kansas City (this part is true), but he said he couldn't help. For some reason, my pants were outside the stall hanging up, but when I left the stall, they were gone. A woman who worked there came by to give me some weird skirt. In realization that there was going to be a retaliation against the Jews for the Arab's murder and in fear about my clothes, I started screaming.

And that's when I woke up. I was on top of the covers on the bed and cold. My dog, who had oddly decided to sleep upstairs with me that night, was under the bed hiding and immediately wanted to leave to go be with my dad. I heard Dad flush the toliet. I think I must have screamed out loud and woke him up.

This morning, I'm feeling very sleepy. I'm going to go to yoga and hopefully that will help straighten me out.


Blogger April_optimist said...

It's good your mom could respond to the dog. The dream.... In my dreams, clothes always represent identity--who am I and who others are trying to get me to be. It sounds almost as if, in your dream, every time you try to do something interesting or fun, disaster follows. I used to have similar nightmares and realized I felt that way during the day, too.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

That's really interesting. I hadn't thought of that.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008 2:35:00 PM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

A very belated hello, Karma...

So sorry I've been "away". Tonight I was doing some archiving and, as I was transferring "old" comments to new "homes" I came across some of yours and decided to check in with you.

Wow! Your mom is on Hospice, too. I scanned back through some of your posts and my heart is breaking for you going through this last period of your mom's life. It definitely sounds like it's much harder than what Mom and I are going through; in fact, at this point, it's hard to tell that my mother is dying, her decline is so slow that sometimes it seems not to be happening at all. Reading about the seizure problems your mom had was horrifying! And then, the stuff with your dad!
I didn't read much about "Larry"; looks like I've got some catching up to do. But, I want you to know, I'm thinking about you, again, consciously, shaking my head at your mom's predicament and yours, too, as a result, hoping for some peace for your Mom and you and thrilled about the visit with the dog and your Mom.
Hang in there. This is life, Karma. Just life. We're all in this together, even though it sometimes doesn't seem like it.
As always, you have my heart,

Friday, August 01, 2008 10:00:00 PM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

Another little dream analysis tidbit that might help you analyze this one: In dreams, water signifies emotion. If, one way or another, in a dream, you are in control of the water, it means that you feel you are in control of a particular emotional area in your life. If you're not in control of the water in your dream it means you're thinking you're not in control of a particular emotional area.
Just thought I'd mention that, because I noticed that in this dream, you couldn't cross the water on your own but when you reached out for help to cross you were betrayed.

Sunday, August 03, 2008 8:48:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Gail, its great to have all of your comments on these recent posts. I hadn't known this thing about water in dreams. And its interesting because water has appeared in other dreams as well where I haven't been in control.

Monday, August 04, 2008 6:45:00 AM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

I thought of you this week as my daughter discovered her grandmother now has Alzheimer's. As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Saturday, August 09, 2008 1:31:00 PM  

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