JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Nonviolent Communication and Wine Tasting

So how do these two topics fit together? Well, I went to a lecture awhile back on nonviolent communication and am really impressed with the theory. I've always had the attitude of wanting to be completely honest and sharing everything, in particular with people with whom I share intimacy. But, this goes against ideas of non-violent communication, which focuses on sharing things with someone under consideration with how they want to hear it. It involves keeping separate your own needs from how to get your needs met.

And here's how you're supposed to tell people something important:
1) Start with an observation that is completely neutral from judgment.
2) Say what you feel about the situation.
3) Say what you need.
4) Make a request, starting with something connecting to the other person and then offering a solution.

You should say what you want and value instead of what you NEED. These things are done to remove desperation and bring joy back to the other person to get to choose to give you things instead of feeling forced. Another part of the philosophy is to give out into the world what you seek, so if you seek respect, to give respect to others.

I think that a big mistake that I've made in the past is to take for granted that if I care about someone that they should give me what I need INSTEAD of focusing on how to say to it.

So, to try it all out, I had a date today with someone that I met randomly on this website "Ok Cupid." I just went to play with the fun quizzes that they have, but found this woman who volunteers at her local rape crisis center and is interested in getting her PhD in Sociology (like me). So we met today at this winery where I have a membership that is located in between our towns. And we had a great time, despite the awkwardness of a first date. Well, I at least had a good time; I'm not sure what she thought. I'm not sure how to make another date happen anytime soon because we live an hour and a half away from each other, and I am really bad at making moves with women. I just am not good at reading women and that makes me feel insecure. Plus, I just am not socialized in dating women. So anyway, we'll see if there will be a date #2.

I'm going to participate in "Memory Walk" which is the fundraiser for the Alzheimer's Assocation. They take place all over the country. Check it out!

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Blogger April_optimist said...

I'm smiling. I think it's great that you are looking at relationships in new ways and at new ways to communicate within those relationships. Good for you! Let us know how it goes, okay?

Thursday, September 11, 2008 3:44:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Yeah, didn't work out. But its still early for me. There's someone out there for me. Somewhere.

Sunday, September 28, 2008 10:16:00 PM  

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