Angry with My Father

Things with Mom are spiraling out of control. So, since the whole shtick with Dad, Mom's been put on Oxycontin, had two seizures and a fever, and has basically barely been awake. She's barely eating or drinking, and they've put swabs by her bed so that her mouth can be swabbed. Today, Dad invited the private caregiver to work 8 hours instead of 4, starting tomorrow.

Hospice says that they're unlikely to move her to the hospice house because according to them, she's not "actively dying." I pushed the social worker that if she's not eating or drinking, sleeping most of the day, and having seizures, then how can she possibly make it much longer? She suggested that I push my father to hire the caregiver 24/7 instead. While I had offered two weeks ago to come back if she'd organize a family meeting with hospice, she suggested that it would work out without me having to come home.

So I tried calling my father right afterward, and I offered to pay for the rest of the hours for the private caregiver out of my own pocket. He told me unequivocally no. He told me that I was just being emotional, and that he just doubled the hours so I shouldn't be complaining. I said, "if I want to pay for it, what does it matter to you if she has the extra care?" He told me that his steak dinner was getting cold and so he wouldn't discuss it further.

I hung up the phone and shouted "fuck you!" three times. I'm REALLY angry with him. I'm frustrated that hospice won't intervene more on her behalf and that the social worker talked me out of coming home two weeks ago to try and fix things before my father had officially solidified his position. I'm tired of fighting for my mother's care. And I fear that she's going fast.

Letter from My Father

Dear [Karma],
Enclosed is a copy of the report on your mother from the neurologist. [That was two years ago - my sister and I begged him to take her.] It took me 6 weeks to get an appointment. I got there at 10:30 am for an 11am appointment and saw the doctor at 11:30am. We left there at 1:30.

The neurologist recommended Zoloft which is an SSRI. Another brand is Prozac. You were given the same medication from a pscyhiatrist a few years ago [note: more like 15 years ago]. After you checked it out you told me that if you took or continued taking this it would kill you!

Also enclosed came from the synagogue newsletter.

Love,
Dad


- - -
So, the "enclosed" is a LONG letter that some father wrote to his kids who were dating non-Jews telling them basically that they had to break up and marry someone Jewish.

I am really upset about this and not sure how to respond to my father.