JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Closure

Today, my kitchen remodel is finally finished! It looks fantastic. I also finished a draft of an article, which my advisor told me she'd have read by Monday. And before hearing that while we had dinner at my favorite restaurant....

I called Larry to ask for my food back. (He had been storing it at his house while I was waiting for the new fridge to arrive due to a bad mix-up.) He didn't answer at first, then called me back but didn't leave a message. (I saw it on caller id.) So, when I phoned back, he offered to bring the food over. This was a big relief because I had basically given up on getting it back.

He came over, gave me the last of my stuff back, and had very little say. He just had that scared look on his face that he's had since he broke up with me. And I was VERY polite the whole time, saying nothing to engage him on a negative level.

It felt like such a relief to be able to see him and have the emotion past me. I don't want to be with him anymore; I see him now for who he is. I am happy with my life. I am very blessed with many things.

At the same time, I earlier today realized that my love life is sort of hopeless. But nonetheless, I am feeling very appreciative of my life right now. And just to make closure complete, tonight I watched the movie "40 year old virgin." This is a movie that Larry told me he hates -- I think in part because he can relate to the character. (He is that level of a nerd.) Anyway, watching it, I imagined myself letting go of my relationship with Larry.

And here's how I'll do it better in the future (thanks April): I'll take good care of myself. Right now that means eating well, spending time with friends, taking an adult ed fun class, reading, being balanced, working out, finding fun things to do around town, yoga, acupuncture, therapy, massage, facials, watching good movies, reading good books, blogging, riding my bike, etc.

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3 Comments:

Blogger tafka PP said...

So proud of you...

Please, if you need to increase the happiness, go to Trader Joe's... Or find a flight to Boston/NYC in a couple of weeks?

xxx

Sunday, August 24, 2008 1:13:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Ah how I love Trader Joes! And if Mom stays so stable, maybe I could travel....

Sunday, August 24, 2008 9:23:00 AM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

I'm smiling. I love the picture of your kitchen and I'm so glad you have your food back. Good for you in how you handled Larry! I'm so impressed.

Trader Joe's....oh how I miss that store! Used to live near one and there isn't any within a couple hundred miles of where I am now.

Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:08:00 AM  

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