Dreams, Schemes, and Living Day to Day

So I've been having these really intense dreams lately. Every night. I know its going to happen when I fall asleep. And then I wake up and am not sure where I am. And I spend part of the morning just pondering the dream and trying to snap back into reality.

So after my scheme to get Mom more care, I tried to step back and just lose myself in work. I've gotten into a routine of work, exercise, yoga, cooking myself healthy meals, and just taking good care of myself.

Then yesterday I was asked to teach a class in Winter. A class that I REALLY need on my CV. So I agreed. But that means losing my flexibility Winter Quarter for being able to travel back to Kansas City. So now, I'm planning on going back Winter Break and getting the dog. But, the more that I try to plan, the more I get stressed because there's no way of knowing what will happen with Mom.

I called *Z* after all this time and apologized for being overly sensitive, and he invited me to Chicago, where he now lives. I'm tempted to ask him to drive with me to Kansas City but I also worry that I'm setting myself up for heartache. Ah, sometimes its hard to know what to do sometimes.