JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Dreams, Schemes, and Living Day to Day

So I've been having these really intense dreams lately. Every night. I know its going to happen when I fall asleep. And then I wake up and am not sure where I am. And I spend part of the morning just pondering the dream and trying to snap back into reality.

So after my scheme to get Mom more care, I tried to step back and just lose myself in work. I've gotten into a routine of work, exercise, yoga, cooking myself healthy meals, and just taking good care of myself.

Then yesterday I was asked to teach a class in Winter. A class that I REALLY need on my CV. So I agreed. But that means losing my flexibility Winter Quarter for being able to travel back to Kansas City. So now, I'm planning on going back Winter Break and getting the dog. But, the more that I try to plan, the more I get stressed because there's no way of knowing what will happen with Mom.

I called *Z* after all this time and apologized for being overly sensitive, and he invited me to Chicago, where he now lives. I'm tempted to ask him to drive with me to Kansas City but I also worry that I'm setting myself up for heartache. Ah, sometimes its hard to know what to do sometimes.

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1 Comments:

Blogger April_optimist said...

Oh, vivid dreams always throw me, too. I don't get them that often, but when I do, I can't help spending time figuring out what they mean. Happened to me just this week. Given everything going on in your life, it's not surprising you're getting that kind of dream now. It sounds as if you're finding good ways to cope with things. Nothing can make a time like this easy though, so take extra good care of yourself, too.

Sunday, November 09, 2008 1:15:00 PM  

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