JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Looking for a Place to Live

I'm looking for a place to live this weekend in Boston, and my stress level is WAAY up there. It is a bit of a roller coaster, honestly. I see a place, fall in love, and then someone else talks me through all of the problems with the place. I think that I found the place I want to live -- it is in the Jamaica Plain neighborhood, which is very diverse, relatively affordable, super easy to get to work, where many of my local friends live, feels like an urban neighborhood. I really like it here.

The place I found is 2 bedrooms - although the second bedroom is ridiculously small. There is plenty of space though to turn it into an office or a spare bedroom. I would have my own pretty nice washer and drier - although its in the basement. There's an off street parking spot. Everything is recently renovated and really nice -- that's pretty rare in the neighborhood. Oh, and it has a security system that I could choose whether or not to pay for -- but that would help with safety issues. There are places to go out and eat or have a drink and a gym around the corner.

But because of that, the price for the apartment is pretty high. Prices in this town are high altogether -- no matter where or for what. So I've been looking at possibly having a roommate too. But I prefer not to have one. I prefer to live on my own.

But I'm starting to freak out about paying so much money. I hate making these kinds of decisions on my own.

Its been a stressful week and time is just flying by. Its already 8pm, and I'm exhausted. I'm tempted to go back to that neighborhood and check it out more, but part of me wants to just take the place I like, stop worrying about it, and move on.

I feel like this decision raises a common issue for me -- which is spending money on myself. My father has trained me to spend as little on my self as possible. I've even been tempted today to call him and try to like get his permission to spend so much money. I'm a grown woman though and I don't need my father's permission. I need to give myself permission!


Blogger April_optimist said...

I'm compulsive about making choices. It was something of a shock to read that a study shows people who are able to quickly settle on something that is "good enough" are happier than people who try to figure out the "best" option. I hear ya about spending money on oneself! I guess the question that comes to my mind is: Can you afford the apartment? Will you still be able to pay your other bills? If so, will this apartment make you happy? If so, go for it! You can always move again after the lease is up if you choose. I'm in a house a little more expensive than some of the others I looked at but...every day I smile as I look around my house because I LOVE it! I love it in a way I wouldn't have loved any of those other places. It's worth it to me to wake up smiling because I'm here, in THIS home rather than having gone for a cheaper one. It was part An affirmation to myself that I do matter.

Don't know if any of that helps. For what it's worth, I think YOU'RE worth being happy, too.

Saturday, August 01, 2009 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks! I did take the apartment and am happy about it - - but nervous. I'm selling my car to be able to afford it.

Saturday, August 01, 2009 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Well, just look at it as a way of helping the environment! They have great public transportation there.

I'm glad you gave yourself the permission to spend the money on yourself. I hope you love it there.

Thursday, August 06, 2009 8:54:00 AM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

Are you okay? You are in my thoughts and prayers always.

Friday, September 11, 2009 1:36:00 PM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Just stopping by to say that I'm thinking of you and wishing you well.

Monday, September 14, 2009 9:42:00 AM  

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