JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Depression is Setting In

Since the crisis that happened about a month ago when my father announced once again that he intends to euthanize Mom, I have gone through a range of emotions - anger, fear, sadness, hopelessness. Through this process, a deep depression is setting in. I either cry or feel numb. I'm having problems concentrating. I feel disconnected from my friends and have a hard time being present. I'm never hungry, but I tend to overeat.

My therapist said that maybe I should consider going on an anti-depressant. I have ordered some more natural stuff online and am waiting for it to arrive in the next few days. I figure that I'll try that, and if it does not work, then I'll make an appointment with the Psychiatrist at school (whom I sometimes refer to as my pusher). I may need to go ahead and make the appointment soon since she tends to book up and have a waiting time of up to a month.

I'm trying to keep up with working out 5 times a week, making myself connect to other people and do things with others, keep plugging along with work, seeing my therapist and the counselor from Hospice, and caffeinating myself to the point of being jittery just to be able to focus. I know can feel the depression setting in, and I don't like it. I wish that there was a way out of it other than medication.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

I can't even imagine how you could NOT be depressed with what's going on with your father toward your mother (and you). I just wish I had some words that would really comfort. I am thinking of you and sending up all the peace and hope vibes I can, if that helps at all.

I'm like you--I always seem to try the exercise and natural thing before the Rx. I don't blame you--but just take care of yourself.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009 9:43:00 PM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

Huge (((((((hug)))))))). Grief seems a natural reaction to what's happening.

This may sound like a strange question, but....what do you do that makes you smile? I ask because at some of the worst points of my life, what got me through was find ways and reasons to smile every day. Not because I didn't care about what was happening but because I knew if I didn't I'd run out of self I had to find a way to build back up my resilience and inner resources.

Whatever choices you make to take care of yourself, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thursday, March 12, 2009 1:15:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks Marj and April. I am managing the depression generally right now without drugs but I'm still having boughts. I'll have to write a post on April's question.

Saturday, March 14, 2009 2:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Just Be Real said...

Karma, thank you for sharing. During my journey, I am trying to do it natural, as I do not want anything to cloud my "feeling progress." Not that I am connecting that much to my feelings, but what little I have I want to be clear.

I hope you are doing better.

Monday, March 30, 2009 3:38:00 PM  

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