JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Taking Back My Power

So tonight, instead of worrying when A texted me that maybe he won't need a ride (and spend the night here snuggling with me as is our ritual), I decided to try to break some of my patterns and decided to do some work on my place. After a trip to home depot, I patched up a wall and put up some pictures. Last week, A seemed like he wasn't going to come over (like tonight), and I freaked out. It was one of the few times that I called me therapist at home (and she wasn't all that helpful). Tonight, I knew that I had to be independent, and I feel okay about it. I need to regain connection with my independence. When I feel weak, I feel like I can't do things on my own. BUT I can take care of myself.

And working on my place today (earlier I did some gardening too) is something that I can do now. I feel like I accomplished something today, even if my attempts to work on my thesis were futile. I sat with a book and a computer window open, but just too anxious to accomplish anything. Okay, the dog says that she needs some snuggles....

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