JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Best Laid Plans

So, I woke up today a bit depressed. I feel despair all around me, and I don't see an escape route. I thought about maybe going to see my cousins up North, but decided to stay here because I really need to get some work done for my research team/my research assistant job. I never got any of that done. Instead, I did laundry, worked out, walked my dog, went to the grocery store. The day just slipped away from me. I feel depressed and anxious. I bought a bottle of Pope Valley Merlot, which is really nice and was only $6 and am just going to stay home and drink it and watch Orlando off of Netflix and The West Wing on TV. I invited my best friend to come over and join me, but he said he likes to be alone on Sunday and just wants to hang out at home. I feel lonely. There was an article in the paper today about PTSD and about how the worst thing is to get isolated. I have definitely isolated myself. I think that my therapist actually encouraged this with stories of "The Rain Maker" (in Africa, a guy who just sits in his tent until the rain comes - like I should just sit here and wait until the healing happens) and by her reinforcing that I don't have anyone here other than A (my best friend), which really isn't true. Getting through this is going to be such a long and painful process. I wish that there was some magic pill to make it all go away, so that I could just go about living a normal, happy life.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I should have followed my gut instinct and called you Sunday nite, K. I wasn't sure if I should, mostly because we haven't talked on the phone in a long while. Perhaps I should trust my gut more often. I don't have to give any advice you know, if you'd like my company/someone to listen to you, I'm your woman! Or I can ramble incessantly about life in the non-for-profit world (j/k)
S.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 11:03:00 AM  

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