Best Laid Plans

So, I woke up today a bit depressed. I feel despair all around me, and I don't see an escape route. I thought about maybe going to see my cousins up North, but decided to stay here because I really need to get some work done for my research team/my research assistant job. I never got any of that done. Instead, I did laundry, worked out, walked my dog, went to the grocery store. The day just slipped away from me. I feel depressed and anxious. I bought a bottle of Pope Valley Merlot, which is really nice and was only $6 and am just going to stay home and drink it and watch Orlando off of Netflix and The West Wing on TV. I invited my best friend to come over and join me, but he said he likes to be alone on Sunday and just wants to hang out at home. I feel lonely. There was an article in the paper today about PTSD and about how the worst thing is to get isolated. I have definitely isolated myself. I think that my therapist actually encouraged this with stories of "The Rain Maker" (in Africa, a guy who just sits in his tent until the rain comes - like I should just sit here and wait until the healing happens) and by her reinforcing that I don't have anyone here other than A (my best friend), which really isn't true. Getting through this is going to be such a long and painful process. I wish that there was some magic pill to make it all go away, so that I could just go about living a normal, happy life.