JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, April 03, 2006

I Cannot Face My Pain in the Same Familiar Way Again

Okay, so I didn't get any work done in the afternoon, but I'm feeling great. It is like some of my pain just peeled away today. I connected with some of my classmates, and even though they're in shock about the unexpected death of our classmate, it made me feel better to have other people going through something similar to me.

I was reading in the local newspaper the other day about a local man who served in the military in Iraq and has PTSD, but copes with it by surfing. He said it is a no muss, no fuss way of keeping himself from being isolated from others.

It made me think about how I can try to break my isolation. So, when I went to workout, I chatted a bit with this guy from my meditation club at school. He's a Persian electrical engineering student, who I thought was creepily hitting on me and has wierded me out in the past. Tonight, he told me that he's queer. So instead of a creepy guy hitting on me, he's just a sweet queer guy looking for a pal. I appreciated that. And when I came home and showered, I appreciated the shower more than I have in so long. It just felt great.

I also got onto evite.com and started a book club. I had wanted to do this for a long time, but didn't think that I knew people to do it with. I just felt like I had no control over it. So, today, I just went through a bunch of my friends and came up with a list of over 10 to invite. If 5 show up, I'll be happy. And I went out to an independent bookstore and bought the book, even though its raining outside. I saw that there wasn't anything on TV, and I don't have anything from Netflix, and so I thought about what I could do to entertain myself. It felt great. I got a mint infused soy tea latte, sat down in the cumfy chair, and then the Indigo Girl's Closer to Fine song played as I sat and read and sipped my tea. It was perfect.

I'm on this roller coaster of ups and downs, but I am quite appreciative of the ups. And I realize that connecting with others and changing patterns is key to moving past the PTSD.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok I'm just dying to know, what book did you pick? I just read a fabulous book called I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb, and although I'm not there in your book club, I'd love to check out your latest reading selection if you don't mind!
S.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 11:06:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

I'll have to check out that book for the club. I got the book "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides. I asked everyone for suggestions for future books, but I'm calling it a "Feminist" book club, so I want to read books that have some sort of focus on gender and sexuality.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 12:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for letting me know. If your focus is on gender and sexuality, She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb is seriously an excellent book to discuss. I still can't believe a male author wrote it, he really knows about the innerworkings of a woman's mind. I am reading this really interesting report by a co-worker on a feminist criticism of the tv show Will&Grace. Quite fascinating. I will have to check out your book suggestion, hope you have a lot of response to your book club!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006 1:36:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

I'm sensing a theme here. Clearly, you're fond of Wally Lamb. I'm convinced. Although I have to admit that I'm having a hard time getting any reading done. I've only read 25 pages of "Middlesex" in the last week.

Monday, April 10, 2006 11:26:00 AM  

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