Waiting

Well, I actually got some work done this morning - it was for my research team and not on my own project, but its a start. Now it's 1:00pm, and I've got time to work on my own stuff. I hope I can do just a little bit. I'll go work out afterwards to let go of some of the anxiety that it will build up. Even writing about doing that work makes me space out. Oy.

I am waiting to hear about a referall to a new therapist. I met with a social worker from my insurance last Thursday who said that he would call or email me about a referral but I haven't heard from him. And some friends from Israel just contacted me to use my American credit card, and I understand why they need it, but it makes me feel used to have them use me just for this when I haven't really heard much from them, and they almost entirely blew me off last summer when I was there. I am having a hard time trusting people. Writing this made me realize that I need to contact a couple of people from my department - who I just did - to give my condolences and just be supportive. I'm glad that I finally got around to doing this, for days I've thought about it, but not felt up for it. It is hard to un-isolate myself. It feels dangerous and vulnerable.