JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

I'm Not Sure What to Do

I feel stuck in this decision - should I go back to KC to take care of my mom? My cousins showed up today with an hour notice to take me to the zoo. They both said I should go back to KC, although didn't seem to want to talk about it much. Then, I had my book club even though I didn't finish the book or make it to the store to get stuff, and they didn't want to talk about it either. I understand all of this, that people don't want to talk about this, but I just feel paralyzed. I am afraid to leave my home and my life; I don't want to give this things up or live in KC. I wish I knew how long that I'll have, if I'll be strong enough, if I'll just end up getting stuck in dysfunctional family dynamics.

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