JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

The Difficulty of Breaking Routines

I'm having a hard time getting myself moving today, which I guess isn't surprising since it is Sunday. I just have so much work to do today, that I'm trying to do a couple of hours of work for my job, then do some work for my thesis, go to a lecture on campus, then to my writing group. I'm starting to gain perspective that this is a lot to expect of myself on a Sunday.

At the same time, when I think about what I'd rather be doing, I can't stop thinking that I'd like to go out for breakfast with *A*. We haven't done that since he moved out, but it used to be our weekend ritual, and I just really miss it.

I kept thinking about wanting to call him when I walked my dog this morning, but I finally decided to call Mom instead. She was in the dining room waiting for lunch (even though it was before 11:30). She sounded pretty good today:

Mom: Where are you?

Me: In California.

Mom: You go to school there, right?

Me: Yes (proud that she remembered/this is rare).

Mom: How are your classes? [I haven't taken a class for a year.]

Me: Fine. (I start to explain that I'll finish my thesis soon and get my master's.)

Mom seems to not be following what I'm saying and tells me that she'll get food soon so she doesn't want to talk. I tell her goodbye and hear her hand the phone over to another resident.

Resident (angry): That's not my phone. You have to give it to the other people.

Mom (trying to calm him but not quite understanding what she should do): Okay, I'll go give it to the other people.

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Blogger Gail Rae said...

Ah, food. The great creator of community!

Sunday, October 22, 2006 11:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally understand the wish to go out for breakfast with A - it is a ritual I have with Sean, too, and I miss it! Even though we are not a couple, it was oddly comforting.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006 4:44:00 PM  

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