JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Like Clockwork: Another Migraine

Well, two weeks must have passed because here is another migraine. I think its caused by hormones (today is the first day of that time of the month) and that I've been slowly bringing back in triggering foods like red wine, avacado, nuts, and cheese. I'm not sure if it had any effect but I also ate foods yesterday that were salty and also figs. One of the clearest effects: stress.

I called my aunt today who is leaving Kansas City for a couple of weeks until April. She said that she'll meet with hospice tomorrow and that the facility has Grandma's living will (but I don't know about the DNR. She said that she hopes Grandma dies peacefully in her sleep. I said something about how she'll likely next lose her ability to swallow, but its as if my aunt can't come to terms with this. I still fear that my aunt will have Grandma put on a feeding tube. My aunt also said that she's about done moving into Grandma's house and getting rid of Grandma's things (except there'll be some garage sale, yadayda). And she made some comment about how much money has been made from selling Grandma's things as if I could care at all about that.

I did go to the second meeting of the graduate student support group on my campus. I'm glad that I went but I feel somewhat like the odd ball out in that I seem to be having a much harder time than the others - some came because they're having some disagreements with their advisor or need to be more social with other - but no one is dealing with the kind of stuff I'm dealing with. Still, I think its a good thing for me to do. I'm just trying to be conscious of not hogging too much time and letting the group talk about whatever they want.

I took an Imitrex, which seems to be helping, although I have already had some mild chest pain. I guess I'm not working on my thesis today and just taking the night off.

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