JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

PTSD Looms Its Head

I met with my therapist today, who told me that she thinks that my feeling forced into situations (like with *A*, that I don't have other social options), while they may really represent my life now, they also are demonstrative of PTSD. I actually feel a little releaved about that. I'm past the depression and shock of losing my mom that I'm back to my same old PTSD shit. I know how to cope with PTSD, right? I'll have to pull out one of my PTSD workbooks and maybe change my approach a bit - to not force myself to be so connected to others (important for depression and loss, but for PTSD, don't want to force myself to do anything).

And, I had lunch with *A* who was nice enough to point out that when we go to a wedding in Denver together next month, that he has every intention of ignoring me while we're there. That's especially lovely considering that traveling to new places tends to trigger my PTSD.

I did get a workout in today, which I feel very good about. Right now, I'm at a coffee shop about to start some focused time on my thesis. Everything with work is a mess because of the way my team is not taking my work seriously. But, I'm grateful for this time at this fabulous grungy coffee shop filled with recovering alcoholics, students, and other random interesting people. Even though we won't interact, there is something about just being here that makes me feel connected.

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Blogger Gail Rae said...

I'm laughing about the comfort of which you speak in returning to old problems! I know this very well! Excellent observation, Karma! The familiar is comforting, problem or pleasure.

Friday, October 20, 2006 1:17:00 PM  

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