JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

AUUGGHHHH, But I'm Still Trying

I was reading a recent post of Gail's and realizing that we're describing a similar feeling to very different situations. Like her, I realize that my disappointments are petty, but I'm still just kinda down and frustrated.

I'm pushing myself hard to get out there and do things with other people, to find balance, to heal. Tonight, I went to this demonstration at school, where hardly anyone paid any attention to me (granted the whole thing was majorly disorganized, but I felt invisible). Then, *A* had asked if I'd have dinner with him, but I forced myself somehow to go to this Hillel happy hour - at a place that didn't even HAVE a happy hour. So, I paid $13 for a margarita and a couple nachos (that I didn't want to eat but the other 2 wanted to order). Oh, not before I ran into *A* though, just to make me feel anxious. And, where was I? Oh yes, the conversation at the happy hour was horribly bad, the person who organized it just kept saying how she didn't care about grad students or organizing anything else despite my many ideas, and then my ex-boyfriend shows up with the new woman he's seeing.

My advisor pushed me again to give up on my research and take up hers instaed. My research team threw me way too much work that they want asap even though they have been messing up everything I've already done. My thesis work is going SO SO slow. And, I still have NO plans for Saturday night.

I just feel really overwhelmed and isolated.

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Blogger Gail Rae said...

Well, Karma, thanks for yet another plug!
Just a word of reason not to post petty disappointments...a blog is, first of all, for the blogger.

Thursday, October 19, 2006 1:28:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

This is true. And thank god for that. One of the only things in the world that is truly just for me. But, I think that maybe I've unconvered a negative thought process that I'd like to stop.

Thursday, October 19, 2006 2:40:00 PM  

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