JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Happiness: I Almost Forgot

Today, my neighbor who watches my dog said to me: You know, maybe it is actually really good that *A* has found a good guy friend here.

It made me think, maybe I am making too much of everything with him. At the same time, I feel like I deserve better then the way he's treating me.

But, that's not the point. The point is that I had a very nice day - book club, symphony (by myself), workout, writing group (that I just started). I realized that there is all of this life out there for me to live - all of these activities to do, places to go, people that I haven't met yet. I just have to keep pushing myself to go out and find them.

I had almost forgotten my quest - happiness. Last night, I listened to some DVD about Buddhist notions of consciousness, and I realized that I can choose between my attachment to *A* and experiencing happiness every day. Many of you readers have told me this, and to some degree I've understood, but now I really get it - I have to let go of my attachment to *A* - the pain, the joy, the history.

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Blogger Gail Rae said...

I'm nice to read this post, Karma! Carry on!

Monday, October 16, 2006 1:15:00 AM  
Blogger tafka PP said...

I *so* recommend letting go... I officially and finally let go of someone (yes, that one) just recently. It was hard but a few weeks on, I can already see that it was best thing I could ever have done: I know you and A have a longer history but as a wise man once said, If you will it, it is no dream!

Good luck...

Monday, October 16, 2006 3:26:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Wow, tafka, good for you! How did you finally manage it?

And of course, you do realize that I did will the relationship with *A* to happen, which it never did, but I'll go with - if I will it, it may not be just a dream. I'm not in Jerusalem, so miracles are less likely. And I'll try to change my will.....or at least right now, I'll try to will my tuchus to go to work!

Monday, October 16, 2006 9:08:00 AM  

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