JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Why I Love *A*: A Clarification

So, if you've read this site before, you've probably picked up on the fact that I use it to blow off steam and write things to get them off my chest, so that some things that are said don't give you the full picture of what's going on.

A couple of friends have noted that *A* is a total jerk, and to some degree I feel this - which is why I express it in these pages - but he can be very wonderful to me, so I feel that I should just note it.

I got an invitation to go to an Alzheimer's Association event watching the movie "The Notebook." I would rather not go alone and started thinking about who locally I could get to come with me. So, of course, I thought about *A*. Now, I should note that he has pretty bad back problems and NEVER goes to the movies because its too uncomfortable to sit for that long. But, when I im-ed him about going, he said he'd come with me, even though he might have a 3 day weekend and otherwise want to go out of town.

*A* has a way of making me feel better about things - sometimes I find that just his presence kinda calms me; also, he's extremely silly and makes me laugh.

Okay, enough of all of this, I'm starting to get teary eyed.

Update on my grandmother: my sister called me today and told me that Grandma has been taken off of all her meds because she wasn't eating and they were making her sleep all the time. But, now she's awake, but uncomfortable and in pain. I can't believe that they won't just let her die comfortably, choosing instead to extend her life as much as possible, even when it means causing her pain. My grandmother can't eat solid foods, speak, or move around much by herself including walking. She had made it clear to all of us that she wouldn't want to live like this, and she has a living will.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad you have company to attend the movie. I've been hearing really good things about the film but have not seen it yet.

As for your grandmother, you say she has a living will. Is your family going against her wishes then? Or did your aunt get legal rights to her treatment?


Wednesday, December 06, 2006 7:01:00 AM  
Blogger tafka PP said...

I didn't mean when we spoke that I thought he was a jerk, if I was one of the "friends"... I know how much he means to you and how much you need him. And I'm glad he steps up to the plate.

Thursday, December 07, 2006 12:37:00 AM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

I second tafka pp...I'm glad he steps up to your plate. I suspect that he will not be your mate, that you will find someone much more attuned to you, but even his attunement, especially for knowing when you need company and providing it, is precious. Nothing wrong with enjoying and treasuring it.

Sunday, December 10, 2006 8:09:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Your perspective is so interesting. Thanks Sanci, PP, and Gail for giving my blog and my life so much thoughtful attention.

My therapist says that *A* is inconsitently there for he's absent until I really need him, and then he's there. It messes with me, but I need to be the one to look for different people to lean on.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007 12:55:00 PM  

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