JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Possibility to See *Z* - College Reunion

I just got an invitation for my college reunion. I imediately thought about how it'd be an opportunity for me to see *Z*. See, he has a job this year teaching at my alma matter. If you don't remember the story of me and *Z*, read about our amazing night together, a draft of the email that I obsessed over sending him, his blow-off reply, or the poem that I wrote about our night. Do I dare go to the reunion? I could drive up there in 15 hours from Kansas City....or fly out or something. I don't know. Part of me thinks that its a really bad idea and part of me thinks that it's worth a shot. Of course, I'm a horrible liar, but I could try to pretend to have just come for the reunion. They hold it during graduation time, so he'd have to still be on campus.

Dad said that when he called later, the staff claimed that they hadn't seen Mom fall. Mom was talking a bit of gibberish to Dad, so he thinks that she didn't really fall. I don't believe that, but I'm glad that she's okay.

All of a sudden its Friday night and I have no plans. I need to just focus and get some work done, but I'm feeling lonely. I am looking forward to being in KC and seeing good friends. I did have lunch with my friend Carly, who had the nerve to just up front tell me that she's going to some happy hour that I was also invited to - but made it clear that she wouldn't go with me. She's been like this since I got back to town - it is the third time I've seen her in the months that I've been here (even though we used to hang out all the time), and she's consistently telling me about plans with other friends, making it clear that I'm not invited.

On the upside, I finally joined the local shul. Tonight another member came by and dropped off a welcome bag with an enormous challah, a mezzuzah with a scroll, candles, a bottle of grape juice, and a small book about the Jewish community. The woman was very friendly, although she said that she's also single and there's no chance of dating someone Jewish here or even really meeting anyone interesting my age. "There are some divorced women, but you don't want to spend time with them." The Rabbi met with me a couple of days ago, and we spoke about me coming to services during the week so that I can encourage more of a community for this so that maybe I'll have someone to say Kaddish with when Mom dies.

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3 Comments:

Blogger tafka PP said...

Ahh who cares about your age, grab yourself a nice whippersnapper!

- I'm making a joke because this post made me want to forcibly drag you back here on a plane. Thinking of you. I keep trying to comment and it doesn't let me, hopefully this time it will...

Saturday, December 02, 2006 8:16:00 PM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

Well, I'm glad you're Mom is okay. I'd say, do what you want about the reunion, but don't try to force anything with *Z* or you may end up with another migraine!

Sunday, December 10, 2006 7:57:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

The comment did work, thanks PP. And you're right Gail, I shouldn't try to force things with Z. He's coming to give a talk somewhere nearby next month, but I'm not going to go.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007 8:21:00 AM  

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