JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Determination of Steel

Well, I managed not to call *A* last night, which was VERY difficult. He called me this morning and invited me to brunch, and I played the whole thing off very non-chaulantly I think. He showed up with a beard, which is how he looked in high school and when we dated in college, so it was especially hard for me. I have a thing for guys with facial hair anyway, but it looks especially good on *A* - although apparently I'm his only friend that thinks so.

Anyway, he even lingered afterwards at my place, and it kept running through my head to apologize to him and wanting to kiss him and snuggle, BUT I managed to keep my cool and even pushed him to go a little before he seemed ready.

My cousins are blowing me off tonight, but I got a very nice invitation to eat dinner at my neighbors' place. I'm going to try to get a lot of work done before then. I also am going to run and exchange those bra straps - I emailed the owner who invited me to do so after I told her that they didn't work. This is the beauty in living in a smallish town I think.

Tomorrow, I have book club and then study group. I can't believe that I only have a week until I come to Kansas City.

Oh, I spoke with my sister today. She told me that when she called Mom last night, Mom didn't seem to know who she was but she kept referring to me. My sister said that Mom seems to think that she only has one daughter - me. It made me feel good that she's remembering me but I feel bad for my sister. I especially feel bad for Mom that since the weather there has been so bad, she hasn't had the visitors she normally gets. Hopefully it will clear up for her soon.

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Blogger Gail Rae said...

I understand why you'd feel bad that your Mom doesn't remember your sister, but, you know, there isn't much that can be done about these things. Hopefully, your sister is going with the flow.

Sunday, December 10, 2006 8:00:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

I think she is; its been a rough year for both of us. I wish that we didn't have such issues between us and could just actually be sisters.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007 12:50:00 PM  

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