A Vent and an Update

Augh! I'm so frustrated with *A*. And yes, I do realize that for some reason all of my emotions are super intense recently. But, I spoke about with my therapist how I struggle with having really close relationships with people because I always learned from my family not to trust and that even they, the closest people to me, would eventually hurt me.

Anyway, so I had planned my acupunture appointment around a good time to meet *A* for lunch. He can only go at 1pm. And, then all of a sudden today, he gets a call from Jeff, his close friend who had been blowing him off in a Kathy/my cousins sort of way. So, I told him to go ahead and meet with Jeff instead since I know *A* really wants to resolve that. But then he got all cranky with me about how he needs to get his mail and maybe he'll stop by tonight. But, tonight I have friends come over to watch the Gilmore Girls - its like the only night that doesn't work for me all week. And then he says something about well he needs his mail and he's going to get post office box. His annoyed tone just really got on my nerves because I'm doing him a favor by collecting his mail here. Usually, I go downtown to give it to him - either by meeting him for lunch or something. And he's the one who has been too busy constantly to see me, mostly watching sports at the bar.

Anyway, I just had to get that out. I had a really nice date last night, but I feel somewhat nervous about the whole thing because I feel so incapable of having a relationship. And now, after my therapist talked to me about how maybe my problem is choosing the wrong people to get close to, I'm nervous that I'm connecting with the wrong guy already. Although, when I'm with him, I'm generally fine and can let that go.

I wasted all this time this morning on the phone with my bank because I can't get their software to work. I didn't get any work done yesterday. GRRRRR. Good thing that I'm going to acupunture now. That always makes me feel better.

I did get to talk to Mom on the phone briefly. My sister says that she remembers my name more than hers. Mom always asks me when she can see me, and it breaks my heart. She's starting to struggle a bit making sentences.