JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Good Neighbors

My neighbors had me over for dinner last night, and then we watched a movie I had netflixed "World Trade Center." I didn't talk at all about family stuff or my problems. It was exactly what the therapist suggested I try - a more superficial interaction. And actually, I was quite comforted by it, especially since it saved me from having to cook and from having to watch that movie alone. I felt somewhat vulnerable last night and having that interaction just made me feel okay again.

I feel like if I put all of my energy into coping with all of this, that I can do okay. The problem is that I have to work and finish my thesis, and the more expectations on me and focus that gets taken away from healing, the more I struggle. Then again, I don't want to scapegoat my work. Part of me knows that I just gotta get my thesis done already. I'm trying to find balance in moving forward with my work, but not pushing myself too hard.

Today, I'm lucky to have structure for this. Today is queer study group, dinner, L-Word, go out to a club night. There are a couple of people there that I know well, some recent acquaintances, and some that I don't really know. But, I think it'll be good to be out and hopefully the energy of everyone else working will give me some focus.

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Blogger Gail Rae said...

Good neighbors, indeed. Truly. Good company. Good evening. Good Sunday.

Something just occurred to me. Consider your work and thesis, regardless of how crazy they are at the moment, a necessary distraction to keep you from obsessing. I know it seems like you're obsessing about those, as well, but, you know, both are circumstances over which you have a certain amount of control. You have no control over your family and friends and your past. Thank the gods for the small, tedious, maddening distractions. I think it is these that keep those of us who don't go mad from going mad.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 10:20:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

I most certainly agree! That's why I'm so open to taking on my advisor's reasearch as my dissertation project: it would just be meaningless tedious work that I could use to get my mind off of things, as opposed to my thesis now which is very emotionally charged and connected to me. Although I've been working on it for so long, that its almost working as a distraction.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 10:28:00 AM  

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