JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

AUUGHHH! Another Jerky Jerry Story

I let Jerry know that I was ready to hang out again and asked if he wanted to do something tonight. He said yes and invited me to come over for dinner and then go out and do something. He told me to come over at 6pm. So, I walk Karma over in the heat, wearing clothes for going out later when it'll be cold and carrying the vegetable that he told me to bring. I'm talking to my sister on the way over about how we're not happy with how things are at Mom's place.

And then, there's no one at Jerry's house. He's totally stood me up. I call him, and he doesn't answer his phone. I'm SO annoyed. I had rushed to be there on time, and he's not even there.

So, about 15-20 minutes later, I get a phone call from him. He tells me that he's just leaving the lab and is very hungry. Then he calls me at home and hangs up on the machine. I am so pissed. I am tempted to just not talk to him, but I decide to call him and explain that I'm not coming back over and don't appreciate being treated this way. He expressed being annoyed at first and then tries to back track by explaining that he's had a rough day. Then, he says that he thought that he had said that we'd touch base at 6pm. And its so freaking clear that he's not thought about me at all; I mean he says that he went into this one lab at 5:30 without his phone....Then, he says that he's going to get going (I mean he's already said that he's hungry).

So now I'm stuck at home alone on a Saturday night. I could've gone out again with the first guy or made plans with my neighbors or stayed at the coffee shop longer to work. AND clearly, there's no hope for me and Jerry - not as friends or as lovers. I'm feeling this huge mix of things - frustration, sadness, disappointment, loneliness, confusion (why would he be like this to me and how am I supposed to respond).

He's made me out to be a bitch by not coming back over. But how can I allow him to treat me badly after that's why I left? And what am I supposed to do with my night now? If I go over to my neighbors at this point, is it annoying? Is there any way to not just be sitting at home and brooding over how what happened?

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