JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Working on Taking Care of Myself

I've still been feeling sick to my stomach and not sleeping so hot. But, I am getting over the hump of the crying and shock. I think all in all, I'm doing a lot better.

I am a little nervous that Jerry might be reading my blog. I mentioned to him a while back that I have one and asked him to not look it up. He said at the time that he'd respect my privacy, but I don't put it past him to have looked up this blog. I think that I feel okay with it because I don't feel ashamed of anything that I'm thinking or feeling. I am somewhat tempted to take down the blog from the public feed, especially because my readership appears to have gone down, but I appreciate having it up here for people can see. I think it goes along with the quotes that you'll see in my profile (see left).

Anyway, I hung out a couple of nights ago with my neighbor. I'm making plans for another massage next Friday and to have dinner with the therapist (who has also become a friend) afterwards. I also have more tentative plans with my neighbor for probably this weekend. Tonight, I have plans to go to dinner with a classmate. All of these things are happening because I'm making a concerted effort to do things with people.

Today, I went to acupuncture. Then, I picked up tickets to go to this museum event with *A* and his girlfriend. A friend of mine saw me walking down the street and whistled, raising my confidence a bit. I also returned this book on emotional abuse that I had ordered online weeks ago and clearly no longer need. In exchange, I got a book on healthy communication, a novel, a gift for a friend. I stopped by this pastry shop and bought a snack for later - a slice of apple cake like my Oma used to make. I picked up lunch around the corner and thought to myself about how I am capable of taking care of and treating myself. I don't need Jerry to take care of me. It would've been nice to have him in my life, but I feel like I have my power back.

Now, I've got some time to get some work done, although I really am still struggling to get back in the swing of things. I'm going to try to get a bike ride in today, if even like yesterday, just up to a coffee shop to work for an hour and have a change of scenery.

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3 Comments:

Blogger tafka PP said...

Keep at it, you're doing great reclaiming your power...And I think plenty of people are still reading...

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 3:44:00 AM  
Blogger I Survive! said...

Glad to see you are doing better now. Grieving is an integral process of recovery. I'd be sad if you had to take your blog down... I've become "attached to it" in some ways. But you have to do what you have to do.

Hang on in there, karma!

Friday, August 17, 2007 4:11:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks for both of your support. I'm glad that people are still reading this and finding something useful out of it. Jerry mentioned my blog the other night and that he didn't have to keep respecting my privacy, but I don't care. I have nothing to hide.

Friday, August 17, 2007 7:00:00 AM  

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