JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Contradictions

So, I'm this big feminist, but I let this guy take me out to dinner. I even felt more likely to kiss him after he bought the dinner. When I date guys, I tend to get overly girly and passive. I went out for a lunch date with a woman, but I have totally different standards with her than with the guys I'm dating. I feel much more in control and more assertive. There are so many contradictions in dating.

I want to be there for Mom, but it seems like there's really little that I can do. I talk to Dad all the time, even though I big time disagree with how he's doing certain things and he'll disown me if I come out as bi. I need a vacation, but in all my free time, I go back to Kansas City.

2 Comments:

Blogger April_optimist said...

Weird how social conditioning can affect us, isn't it? At least you're aware of what's happening and the choices you're making. That's a GOOD THING!

When I was younger, I gave up way too much of myself and my power to the guy I married because...somehow I thought that's what I was supposed to do.

Which was pretty ironic because when I was younger I was the most feminist woman I knew. And yet...I'd heard one too many messages about who I was supposed to be as a woman.

The things that constrain us the most are the assumptions we never stop to challenge. You're beginning to challenge yours. GOOD FOR YOU!

Sunday, September 09, 2007 8:25:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Yes, now I can start to challenge my assumptions. I think I just need to remember that change happens through baby steps, through intention on moving in a better direction.

Sunday, September 09, 2007 8:52:00 AM  

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