JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Disappointing Doctors

I had an appointment today with a doctor at student health that I made a month ago to meet with one of their only female doctors on staff. She said that my test results are normal and then asked me a bunch of really personal questions and then said that I should just tweak how I'm handling the low blood sugar and sent me on my way.

I feel really manipulated right now. Why were those questions relevant? Clearly, she's going to use them to describe why my situation is psychosomatic and put into my chart instead of spending any time explaining to me why it is that I'm suddenly dealing with these hypoglycemic symptoms, what's going on with the migraines, or anything. I asked at the end, "so you think this is all due to stress?" And, she sort of responded in the affirmative but everything was very vague.

I even went in with a list of my symptoms, an overview of what I've done, and questions. But, she didn't seem interested in any of this other than letting me tell her like half of the symptoms. She also told me to drink juice when I get low blood sugar which is the OPPOSITE of what the dietitian told me - juice (unless I'm in a serious emergency) is going to make my sugar spike up and then drop back down too fast.

I'm also just feeling sort of an awe/confusion about what happened with Jerry. I keep waiting for him to call and apologize for real. I can't believe that its just over, just like this, with him being totally fine being a jerk and clearly blaming me for everything (even him being a jerk).

Augh augh augh! I'm not getting a lot of work done. I am having a hard time getting into it. In a little bit, I'm going to get a pedicure with friend (aka my ex girlfriend) before she leaves tomorrow to do research in another country. I also got the schedule for adult ed classes through the community college and put a bunch of stuff into my schedule (although nothing starts for weeks) of possibilities to do - I left it very open, I'll take whatever feels interesting at the time - a cooking class, an art class, a random lecture here or there.

*A* stopped by yesterday to pick up his mail. It was annoying that he didn't want to hang out and getting him to talk about how things are going for him and the relationship was like pulling teeth. Plus, we made no plans to hang out, not even for my birthday (which is on the 22nd by the way, but I'll be in Kansas City). Whatever.

I'm making efforts to get out more and connect with more people. It is hard work and sometimes honestly not so fun because I'm just kinda shy with new people. I know that I just have to take it one step at a time, and I'll keep trying to do that.

ALSO - fyi to my loyal readers - I just saw that there were like 8 comments from the past year at random times that somehow got lost in the system. I never received notification anywhere that they were in the system until I logged in today (and I login all the time). So, if for some reason you had posted a comment and it hadn't shown up, I'm REALLY sorry. I do really appreciate all the comments left here.

BUT, I've just reached 10,000 hits to this site. So, I appreciate everyone's support with this blog! Thanks!

Oh, and so what will I do about the health stuff? I'm going to go see a homeopath locally. Its going to cost me $500 just for the first visit and is not at all covered by insurance. But, clearly, I'm not going to get anywhere with doctors, and I'm ready to find some way to heal from these migraines and hypoglycemic issues.

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Blogger April_optimist said...

Couple of thoughts. Jerry. Yup, he's fine with being just the way he is. (Read Controlling People by Patricia Evans.) In his own mind, he's a good guy. Don't try to understand it because it'll drive you nuts, just realize that he does.

Second, doctors. The mind body health connection is profound. When we're stressed, our bodies develop very real symptoms. The problems are very real and can be dangerous but the safest approach may be to work with the emotions first and see if that makes a difference. (Yoga, meditation, finding reasons to smile or laugh, etc.) Sometimes medication can help but sometimes it can cause more problems too. (For years and years I had straight, limp hair. I got divorced and within days my hair turned curly and has been ever since. Now that's a mind body connection!) I'm healthier now than I was ten or twenty years ago. I think scientists are just now beginning to realize some of the connections between emotional states and health.

You might want to check out glycemic indexes on foods. These will let you know what foods slowly bring your blood surgar up and let it stay there--rather than spiking and then dropping.

(((Hugs))) Hang in there and believe in yourself, okay?

Tuesday, August 28, 2007 8:41:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks April. I think that you're right on about Jerry. The whole thing is just still so disappointing and hard to let go of. I know that I need to though.

I definitely also agree with you about the mind body connection. I mean at this point, stress has caused my hair to become extra dry and frizzy, migraines, reactive hypoglycemia, IBS....Stress has certainly taken its toll on my body. But I think that to just say stress with the hypoglycemia (from a doctor) without explaining to me scientifically what causes it, am I at heightened risk for diabetes, what parts of my body are involved, etc. I think that is not taking me seriously.

I met with two dietitians who gave me really good ideas for snacks and what to eat in emergencies.

I appreciate all of your support though. I actually had a really bad night last night and this comment makes me feel a lot better. Thanks!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007 9:24:00 AM  

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