JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Feeling Unconnected

My date last night, I just kept realizing how much we're really not a good match. He doesn't listen well and isn't all the interested in my research and made it clear that he'd never leave here.

Then, today, I dragged myself to this Mitzvah Day at the temple and was just overwhelmed by how many people were there, that I didn't know anyone, and that I had no idea what was going on. So, I just left.

I checked my facebook account to see that things with my birthday trip this weekend aren't coming together as I'd like. A bunch of my friends aren't coming. One couple even made plans to go away for the weekend after I told them about this plus their seemingly blowing off book club that I sat at home reading up for and am supposed to host on Sunday. Another group won't even bother rsvping even after a second nudge, so should I guess that they're blowing me off? I put all of this work into making this happen, to have it vegan friendly for my vegan friends, to not invite guys to make my lesbian friends comfortable, to rent a full sized van so everyone would fit. And I'm offering to pay for everyone. I feel like...kinda rejected actually.

This afternoon, I've got a date with the last guy standing so far. I don't even know if I feel up for it. Somehow this week, I'm supposed to finish my comprehensive exam, clean up my place, host two parties, pack to go to Kansas City for two weeks. Then, I've got to see how bad my Mom is at, fineagle to get Mom on a sleeping pill and low dose anti-depressant, get hospice ordered, and consider getting her off the Namenda. Augh!

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