Lies and BS at Mom's Assisted Living

So when we met with the director of Mom's facility a couple of days ago, she confirmed that Mom's supposed to be put to bed at 9:45pm. So, when I came back from St Louis tonight, I decided to stop and see Mom, check on how things were going on her floor, and tuck her into bed. I went upstairs at 8:20pm, and Mom was out cold in her bed.

There were 3-4 care managers sitting in the kitchen talking, while one ate. I asked for Duncan, the lead care manager, and was told that he was busy but that I should talk with Mom's care manager instead. But, everyone around the table got involved with the conversation, including Duncan, who eventually came around.

They told me that Mom goes to bed every night around this time. They seemed annoyed that I was even questioning it, and one care manager got really apparently annoyed and angry with. She said that my family should come to the support groups and learn more about the disease and that my dad asks all of the staff about Mom but needs to only ask the staff assigned to her because the others won't know. The worst was that she made ALL of these excuses for the things that go on on the floor - why Mom's been without a pad on, why she's alone in other people's rooms, why she's still putting soap on her face. But, hey apparently we're supposed to be happy because she's locked in and isn't wandering the streets.

I'm pretty upset right now. Dad and I talked about what happened, and he's upset too. I very much want to go and talk with the director of the facility once before I leave, but I honestly don't have faith that things will necessarily get better.

Dad and I talked briefly tonight about maybe eventually moving Mom into a nursing home. They are better regulated, and she's getting close to needing those kinds of services. Dad wants to take her to this place where my great aunt was at. I want to take her to the Jewish home's Alzheimer's unit where my grandmother was. There's a HUGE waiting list that can wait for years, but I want to make an effort to at least convince Dad that it isn't so bad there (despite problems in other units) and get Mom on the waiting list.