JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

From One Life to Another

I feel like my life in Kansas City is very different, very separate from my life at home. I've written before about how I feel this difference with my life in Israel. There are different values, friends, lifestyles, etc. And it always feels very odd to pick up one, put it on for awhile, and then drop it for another.

These last few weeks have been SUPER stressful. And it hasn't yet stopped. My connecting flight was canceled, so I had to spend last night in Phoenix and only got a little over 4 hours of sleep. I got a ride from this guy that I've seen here, Michael, but I had to keep calling him to change the flight details because of the stupid airline, and I feel bad for asking that of him. My chin is all torn up from kissing Cory's scruffy face a couple of nights ago. I have piles and piles of work to catch up on here.

I went to therapy today and just cried and kvetched. This is all so hard. And there's no end in sight. I don't know what will happen with Mom, only that it will be bad. I feel like I don't know how to help her like I used to, but I still feel really driven to try to help her. Things are so complicated with my family - I want to connect to them so that we can be united for Mom, but they tend to hurt me. I think that I'm feeling a little culture shock. I'm also completely exhausted even though a took a little nap about a hour ago.

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7 Comments:

Blogger Rising Rainbow said...

Relationships with family are the hardest, I swear.

On a lighter note, I look at all those young guys with the scruffy look everyone thinks is so "hot" right now and I wondered about that burn. I don't get what's so hot about something that hurts. Guess that tell my age. oh well lol

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 10:37:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

I can't explain it. Its just hot. It didn't hurt at the time....

Thursday, October 04, 2007 8:10:00 AM  
Blogger tafka PP said...

Take what you can get where you can get it- i don't care if it is scruffy kisses, therapy, dog time... whatever you need to get you thru xxx

Thursday, October 04, 2007 4:50:00 PM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers with everything that's going on with your family.

I'm glad you've got in a little fun, though. You need to take gentle care of you. (((Karma)))

Friday, October 05, 2007 8:28:00 AM  
Blogger Shari said...

Marj took the words out of my typing fingers. You take care of you.

I'm sorry that family is so hard to get along with. Maybe it's because everyone can let their hair down and show their true colors. But on the other hand, you can be yourself.

Take care. I hope your mom is okay.

Friday, October 05, 2007 4:09:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Well, the hard thing with my family is that I feel like I can't be myself. I can't tell them that I'm bi, they're not so interested in what I'm studying, etc.

But I appreciate all of your support :) It feels really good to be home even though I've got a lot of catching up on sleep to do.

Friday, October 05, 2007 4:24:00 PM  
Blogger Neha said...

Hey I just caught up on your blog - been taking a hiatus from the computer for a while. Anyways, wow so you did have *some* stress relief while you were home. Who thought you'd meet a Cory out there that you actually like.

I'm real sorry about your dad and your family relationship tension. I'm glad you chose on this trip not to tell him you are bi - u have so much going on when you travel home -- there will be a calmer time and place to tell him these things if they continue to be important to you. Simplify your mind a little, I don't want to you go mad either! It's good you are back in your own space, I hope you caught up on some sleep this weekend.

Monday, October 08, 2007 8:59:00 AM  

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