JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Sorting Things Out

It feels so good to be back at home. I hosted "Lesbian Movie Night" last night. Fifteen people showed up, and I was a little annoyed when this friend who blew me off completely for my birthday asked me to do all of this work to have the night be a surprise party for her partner. But, others were really considerate and made up for it.

Cory called me yesterday afternoon. I was very excited to hear from him, but he seems very not that excited about talking to me. I get the sense that he's the traditional kind of guy who doesn't express tons of emotions. Again, perhaps a red flag, but his call just brightened up my day.

On the other hand, I had this date on Saturday night where I felt no chemistry or butterflies at all. My date, Michael, who I've gone out with several times before I left town, is a really good guy. He is very considerate, can relate to what I'm going through with Mom, is really focused on what I need. I think that he's the kind of guy who could just give me what I need. But, while we were listening to this concert, I found myself thinking about Cory (who probably wouldn't have even gone to a Classical music concert with me) and wishing that he was there.

Last Wednesday, I went to this Imago class. I asked the teacher if we can just move to be with people who will give us what we need instead of ones who we are more attracted to. He said that there won't be much attraction. This whole spiel probably isn't making much sense, but I refer you to Joe for background on the theory if you're interested.

But, I feel like I'm not being fair to Michael if I keep seeing him when I'm not feeling anything, even though its comfortable and safe to date him. I feel like I should try to not get that attached to Cory because there are so many warning signs and he's made it clear that he doesn't want a long distance relationship and won't ever leave Kansas City. But, I don't actually want to do either of the above.

In the meantime, I'm attempting to throw myself into my work and catch up. I SOOOO want a vacation but I feel like I need to spend as much time as possible in Kansas City and should probably go there in December. I'm going to put off buying tickets, I think, even though they're going fast since its the holidays.

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Blogger April_optimist said...

Sympathies. It's hard when someone's a nice guy but there's no attraction. I think you're wise to see the red flags with the guy far away.

One theory I've seen suggests that attraction is more likely to arise in high emotion situations. You had that visiting Kansas City. Are there any times you do things with the nice guy that are slightly scary for both of you? Might be worth a try to see if that makes a difference. If not, you'll know.

I don't think you need to settle for less than attraction, kindness AND respect. I DO think it's wise to be aware that if we have abuse in our backgrounds, we may be likely to be attracted to people who are abusive and so attraction needs to be tempered with rationally evaluating the people we're drawn to quickly--friends as well as potential lovers.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 9:40:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

This really helps me gain perspective on the whole thing; thanks!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 9:42:00 AM  

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