Sorting Things Out

It feels so good to be back at home. I hosted "Lesbian Movie Night" last night. Fifteen people showed up, and I was a little annoyed when this friend who blew me off completely for my birthday asked me to do all of this work to have the night be a surprise party for her partner. But, others were really considerate and made up for it.

Cory called me yesterday afternoon. I was very excited to hear from him, but he seems very not that excited about talking to me. I get the sense that he's the traditional kind of guy who doesn't express tons of emotions. Again, perhaps a red flag, but his call just brightened up my day.

On the other hand, I had this date on Saturday night where I felt no chemistry or butterflies at all. My date, Michael, who I've gone out with several times before I left town, is a really good guy. He is very considerate, can relate to what I'm going through with Mom, is really focused on what I need. I think that he's the kind of guy who could just give me what I need. But, while we were listening to this concert, I found myself thinking about Cory (who probably wouldn't have even gone to a Classical music concert with me) and wishing that he was there.

Last Wednesday, I went to this Imago class. I asked the teacher if we can just move to be with people who will give us what we need instead of ones who we are more attracted to. He said that there won't be much attraction. This whole spiel probably isn't making much sense, but I refer you to Joe for background on the theory if you're interested.

But, I feel like I'm not being fair to Michael if I keep seeing him when I'm not feeling anything, even though its comfortable and safe to date him. I feel like I should try to not get that attached to Cory because there are so many warning signs and he's made it clear that he doesn't want a long distance relationship and won't ever leave Kansas City. But, I don't actually want to do either of the above.

In the meantime, I'm attempting to throw myself into my work and catch up. I SOOOO want a vacation but I feel like I need to spend as much time as possible in Kansas City and should probably go there in December. I'm going to put off buying tickets, I think, even though they're going fast since its the holidays.