JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Dad Dating

Well, as this third in my series on dating, my father called me up tonight to tell me that he wants to start dating. He invited a woman over to the house on a date, but she canceled last minute and wrote him a letter saying that she doesn't feel comfortable dating a married man and that she thinks its a betrayal to his family. So he called me up to see if I think its a betrayal.

I told him that I'm supportive of that. And that one day I'll set up a jdate profile. (I had to explain to him what Jdate is.) I suggested that if he really want to date that he get out more. He said he doesn't want to go to singles events because everyone will know that he's married. I said that he could just go to regular events and suggested that he tell women that he wants to start a friendship if he wants to avoid the freak out that he experienced.

He joked that I always tell my sister everything that he tells me. (I didn't realize that he knows this.) Apparently, my sister will come straight out and confront him on things that I repeat to her in private. But, he said that I can tell my sis about this. I think he is a little freaked out about how she'll respond. With good reason.

So, I called my sister (because I know that she'd freak), and I told her. She is REALLY upset. She thinks that its cheating on Mom. She told me that Dad isn't wearing his wedding ring anymore. I told her to try to have compassion on him and to see that he's lonely and that Mom isn't really a wife to him in the same way that she was before. But, its hard for her. I left it by asking her to try to think about how she'll respond when he tells her, and to try to support him. She said that even if she does, she doesn't want to hear any details or meet the woman he dates.

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Blogger Rising Rainbow said...

Oh, this is hard. I think you're being very mature about this. Some would never understand.

Sunday, November 18, 2007 9:26:00 PM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Whoa, what a difficult situation. I really feel for all of you. I'm sure a lot of couples think of "growing old together." Your parents have to live separate lives because of this damn disease. It's heart-breaking. You're in my thoughts (so's your dad).

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 9:32:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Well its more than living separate lives - Dad sees Mom at least once every day. But, its that Mom's so far gone, even as she's still here.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 9:49:00 AM  
Blogger Shari said...

That's a tough call. I can see both sides. On one hand, he's still married-even if it's just on paper, and on the other, he's lonely and wants companionship and your mom's not there for him. I totally understand your flexiblity in this issue. I hope your sister respects what your dad wants.

Take care and Happy Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 9:06:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

It is complicated - because he's married more than just on paper. He's still very devoted to my mom. But he still is sort of a widower and in need of companionship. I understand his needs, although it makes me sad for mom to see him move on. They've been married almost 40 years!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 10:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Peg Lee said...

Thats tough...but you are handling it in a very mature manner, better then your older sister? At least he asked your opinion of it and he isnt hiding it from you. He dotes on your mom, but hes not getting it in return. He needs a female companionship...someone who use to do what your mom did. Im not sure how i would act in the same situation. Good for you.

Thursday, December 13, 2007 10:21:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

My younger sister actually.....she's often assumed to be older though since I'm single and she's married with 2 kids :)

Thursday, December 13, 2007 11:35:00 PM  

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