JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Body Says: Take Better Care of Me

Well, after working myself to the bone to be prepared for class and writing this last minute paper for my research team (because this other paper fell through...long story), my body said to me: "Girl, you better start taking care of me." I started getting congested, tired, achey, super cold. So, after I finished my paper on Thursday, I've been at home resting, trying to heal. Last night, I developed a migraine.

I go through these cycles of pushing myself too hard and then either getting sick or getting a migraine or both. I think its a message from my body to take better care of myself, like a slap in the tuchus to get better balance in my life.

My homework from therapy this week is to think about the people in my life who are good for me. See, I tend to be attracted to people who aren't good for me, who will take me for granted, not see my needs as valid, not be good at communication....I do this because of a pattern that I developed as child. As much as I try to deny it, I am like my mother in this way: I try to take care of others and get connected to those who will take and take from me without seeing my needs as valid. People who do meet my needs, I don't notice because I've been trained that only those who abuse me really love me.

So, let's notice the people who have been meeting my needs this week.
  1. My friend Alena stopped by my agriculturist's and picked up Chinese herbs for me.
  2. NJG called and offered to run to the store for me or drop by movies.
  3. My neighbor returned my humidifier and kept me company.
  4. My acupuncturist got herbs ready for me and gave me a box of herbs for colds (which I think she's giving me for free). She's going to let me pay for the former next time I come in.
  5. This woman sitting in on my class pulled up a video that she wants us to watch in class.
  6. My friend Nicole is hosting an L-word party at her house, and I'm invited.
  7. My team is making me first author on our paper.
  8. Many of my blog readers have given me supportive comments, even though I've been off line.
I think that my task for the near future is to learn how to ask for what I want, to notice those who give me what I need, and to keep learning how to take care of myself. Oh, and by the way, I finally get that I'm not ready to date until I can figure all of this out.

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Blogger April_optimist said...

I'm so glad you have people in your life who are good for you! And I'm so glad that's going to be your new focus.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008 10:23:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

These sorts of people have always been here - I've just never been able to fully appreciate them because I'm always so focused on what I'm missing.

Friday, January 25, 2008 9:54:00 PM  

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