JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Should I Sue Dad?

There have been big issues with my grandparents' estate since my grandmother died last here. My aunt arranged to get more than her fair share by taking advantage of being my grandmother's caretaker. And it is becoming more and more clear that my father is working to take my mother's share of the inheritance even though it is set up to go to me and my sister after she passes. My good friend from high school, who is a lawyer, has been pushing me to consider suing him after Mom passes, and until now I've been against it. But, I'm starting to wonder about it.

Clearly, Dad is going to remarry after Mom passes. He'll probably leave Mom's money to his new wife. And my grandparents were very concerned about setting up their grandchildren and would not be happy about the money being left to my father. Also, my father is using a power of attorney for my mom to make these decisions that was set up after Mom's Alzheimer's had progressed to the point that she was no longer able to make these sorts of decisions. Now, I think that she would clearly want my Dad to make health decisions for her, I don't know if she would be comfortable with him changing my grandparents' estate to take the money. It makes me especially frustrated too because I've had to fight Dad to get certain things for my Mom.

If I do sue Dad, he'll likely not want anything more to do with me. And granted, I'd be pretty fine with this because he's been abusive my whole life and it would be probably a blessing to not have to have that in my life anymore. But, I can't decide if I would feel comfortable doing it. Nothing would happen until after Mom passes.

Just to give you some context, we're talking about $2 million. What do you think?

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm not sure where you live but as a lawyer practicing in Texas I know that here we have investigators assigned to the local probate courts that might be able to give you some direction. For example, you might want to file for guardianship of your mother insofar as her property is concerned, not her personal decisions. Just a thought.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007 6:56:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks for the comment. I wouldn't do anything while my mother is alive because if I had his power of attorney made illegal, it would hinder the care of my mother.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007 7:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Peg Lee said...

I personally would never sue a parent. I dont know the issues that you have been through with your dad, but there must be another way to get through to him other then taking him to court.

Friday, January 04, 2008 4:45:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

There's NO way to get through to him. The options are to sue or just let him take this money. Its certainly going to be a hard choice.

Friday, January 04, 2008 5:26:00 PM  
Blogger Lynn said...

I guess it would all depend on what is truly best for you. Think of yourself, not your father. When is the last time he made a decision based on YOUR needs? I sued someone in a similar type of thing before. I had to freeze assets, go after the estate of a related party, etc. Some would probably have seen this as 'gold digging' and I frankly couldn't care less. I won for me and my kids and rightfully so. I wouldn't change it. It was something that needed to happen. I had and have no compunctions about 'upsetting' an abuser and their supporters. I worry only about me and my kids. The defendant was trying to cheat us. AND he was a terrible abuser to boot. Now he's broke, too. And that's not my problem.

Saturday, January 05, 2008 5:06:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks for your perspective, Lynn. I haven't seen you here before and appreciate having a new reader.

Saturday, January 05, 2008 6:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Peg Lee said...

Do what is in your heart, Karma. Im sure your mom would be ticked if she knew your dad was taking from her children. You know your mom better, then i. Would she back your dad on his decision or would she back you and your sister? My mom always said that she would never do as her parents did when they passed. One child got more then the rest of the children. Since reading your latest blog about your dad clearing out the eyes are wide open, he will do the same with YOUR inheritence. Your mother would want you to have it.

Sunday, January 06, 2008 7:50:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

My mother almost never went against my father, even if she disagreed. And I don't think she would ever believe that my dad would try something like this. But, I KNOW that my grandparents would be appalled and want me to fight for the inheritance they worked so hard to save up for my sister and me.

Sunday, January 06, 2008 8:16:00 PM  

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