JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Creepy, Angry Men

So there's been a guy that I've been no-strings-attached having pretty hot and steamy sex with for the last several months. We don't go out or do much else other than have sex.

Tonight he contacted me, saying that he had a really rough Christmas. So I invited him over. He told me the whole story, getting angry and raising his voice and mocking how his daughter called him abusive. I felt like I was listening to my dad, and it really creeped me out. He also said that the only thing that controls his anger sometimes is pot and that he doesn't have any friends in the world other than me, and maybe one other guy who isn't in town right now.

I wove it into the conversation that I'm starting to date someone else and probably won't want to sleep with him once I start sleeping with this other person. He just picked his stuff up and left.

I'm feeling really creeped out by his behavior and that once again I was attracted to someone who has an angry, verbal abusive tendency. How? Oy! Anyway, I refuse to believe that this is how most people are. I think that the more that I heal, the more that I will be attracted to better, less abusive people. I'm a little worried about what he's going go to do with himself. He's 40 years old, bipolar, in a depressed phase, self-medicates with pot and alcohol, and doesn't seem to have a sense of how to deal with his emotions. I fear that he might be suicidal, although he hasn't mentioned anything.

But, I have to focus on getting myself together to go to Kansas City tomorrow. Wish me a safe flight!

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Blogger April_optimist said...

I hope you had a good flight and that your trip works out okay.

As for this guy....he creeps me out, even long distance AND he makes me angry! You deserve better and yes there are guys in the world who treat women far better than that! This guy sounds totally self-focused and a user--in many senses of the world.

Sometimes it can be less scary NOT to be with someone who is perceptive or pays attention to what we think and how we feel but...ultimately we all deserve better than that.

Sometimes we're drawn to someone in pain because we know or believe we can make them feel better and that's an incredible "high" for us.'s never enough for them. They never truly appreciate it because if they were capable of doing so they'd be doing things meant to help us feel better too. They take and take and when we stop giving they walk away.

You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects and values YOU--not just what you can give the person.

Prayers for you and your mom and the difficult choices ahead of you.

Monday, December 31, 2007 1:07:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks April - this comment helped me a lot. I think you'll that in my next post. I just have needed to have someone, anyone in my life. But, I'll do better and find GOOD people who are GOOD for me, or at least I'll try!

Tuesday, January 01, 2008 8:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you're flight went well. Stay away from that guy. He sounds like bad news...

Monday, January 07, 2008 1:23:00 PM  

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