JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007


I've been having a lot of vivid dreams lately. Last night was particularly vivid. This guy that I had an amazing romantic affair with in Egypt when we were both like 19 years old. In the dream, there was some sort of adventure, and I would say this dream fits into the series of dreams that I've had for years about struggling against evil forces. It felt good to have a partner in the dream; Jason (the guy) and I just ran into each other, and then all the feelings were there.

I haven't thought about him in a long time. After we both left Egypt, he went on to a study abroad program in Africa. I started having serious health issues and had to drop out of school. He dropped me before he came back to the States, and I never saw him again. I think that the heart break made my health problems worse.

As I'm procrastinating here at my computer, I decided to google him. He's got a webpage with a picture which looking at made me tear up. He's a professor now, and I find it ironic that we've both traveled down this academia path. I won't contact him, but it was interesting to look at someone from my past. In all of my pictures of Egypt, he was backlighted and dark, so you couldn't make out his face. I used to joke that it was as if I had made him up. But, there he was at his alma matter, looking serious and older.

Dreams are funny. Its interesting these connections that we have to people in our past, even after we think we move past them.

As I breathe in, I acknowledge all of the love that we had and the pain that he put me through. As I breathe out, I let go of my attachment to him and of the pain.
And then, I wish him well and go back to work.

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