JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Happy Anniversary

Exactly 11 years ago, I moved to Israel. Read here for the rest of the story. I came home today and ended up curled up on the couch. I felt bad about it for a bit, and then remembered what day it is and decided to be a little easy on myself.

Its been a rough week. I spoke with Steph that I don't want to see anymore because she hit on my friend's girlfriend. She asked if she apologized to my friend and made it okay, if that would change things. So, she went on to send some weird rambly, horribly spelled email where she recited everything that she knows about me. And then she didn't even send it to my friend, just to me.

And as she's also sending me like 10 text messages, my father calls me to "get my opinion." Then he goes on to tell me that there's some money set aside from my grandparents' that he can't touch, but he's planned on having that money taxed (even though it could be exempted) - and so we'll only get half. Then, he sort of tried to trade me not having the money taxed for having some sort of generation skipping trust be set up so that money doesn't go to my sister and I at all but is saved for our descendants. He went off on how he doesn't trust my sister. And then he admitted that he plans on taking the last bit of money left for us by my grandmother. The whole thing freaked me out. He said - soon everything will be final and nothing will be able to be changed; we have to act fast if we're going to do anything. I told him that I don't want Mom's will changed and that he's got enough to worry about taking care of Mom.

I'm going to be okay this year. Its all just making me feel tired and lethargic and unfocused. But tomorrow I'm getting a massage and have therapy and tonight I'm skyping with a good friend. So, I know I'm not alone in this and that this time will pass. I have to just let myself feel the feelings, and then let them float away.

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Anonymous tafka pp said...

Love you, and you're wonderful. Strength and cuddles.

Sunday, January 13, 2008 6:10:00 AM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

Long time, no read, no comment, I'm afraid. I apologize for that, especially in view of the much appreciated "Colors of Friendship" honor you bestowed upon me, just as I was trying to deal with the funk (in which I, unfortunately, still reside), and, as well, your continued appearance at my (now defunct) journal.
I hope you got the message that I took my site down and surrendered my domain name. Problems, problems, problems, which I hope to resolve fairly soon, although perhaps not as soon as I initially hoped.
Anyway, dropping my own site gives me some time to catch up with my regular reads, your journal being one of them. I'm aghast at your father's machinations regarding the will, sad but hopeful about your relationship issues, and pleased to note your resolve, mentioned in your statemens: "I'm going to be okay this year..." and "...this time will pass." I, personally, am hanging tight onto the second statement with much hope and resolve in regard to my own life at this time.
Know that you have my full support and best wishes.
It's good to be back.
Gail from the former Mom & Me Journals.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008 10:31:00 AM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Ugh! I wish I had some special, magic wand that would sprinkle down peace like magic pixie dust. I'm so sorry it's so difficult. Peace people! (I guess I could scream it, but that kinda defeats the purpose, huh?)

Wednesday, January 16, 2008 9:44:00 AM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

(((Hugs))) I had a friend blindside me with an attack this weekend. I kept responding without attacking and it only escalated on her side--with much pointing out of how sorry she felt for me and all my character flaws. Very weird and distressing. Glad you could be gentle with yourself.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008 10:11:00 AM  
Blogger Rising Rainbow said...

I wish that life was smoother for you right now.

Saturday, January 19, 2008 3:25:00 PM  
Blogger Lynn said...

I know this was difficult for you. You were right, though. It did pass. For years, I never understood why I would have to be so extraordinarily BUSY around the end of January. In two days it will be thirteen years ago. It lingers sometimes, though. It was superbowl Sunday, which is not on the same day every year. I guess that's why it felt like a block of time instead of a date. The date was Jan. 29. The game is on Feb. 3 this year. Feb. 3 is also the birthday of two of my children. I hope I'm not cruisin' for a bruisin' by saying this, but I actually think /hope that maybe nothing will happen this time. I hope I'm not just being blind. A few years after it happened, I was still clueless about so many things. I hate football. That year I bought my sister a gift. It was a sweatshirt. It had the cartoon character 'Kathy' (from the newspaper funnies) on it. She was in front of the TV cheering and the caption said, "Yay! The game is over!"

Saturday, January 26, 2008 11:02:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks everyone. The time has passed, and things are becoming lighter. I appreciate all of your support through.

April, I'm so sorry about how your "friend" was behaving.

Lynn, I appreciate your manifesting that which you need. I think that giving someone a gift around the time can be an important step to reclaiming that time.

Gail, Glad to see you back!

Sunday, January 27, 2008 8:27:00 AM  

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