Visiting Mom

So, I've come for my last visit to see Mom. I was worried to go see her and have to deal with the newest declines, but I was happily surprised to find that she responded to me in a way that she hadn't in a long time. I came around dinner time and fed her dinner. There was music on next to her, and she really enjoyed that. She made faces at me and smiled. Sometimes, when she wouldn't eat, I'd sing a bit and then she'd take another bite.

I came again tonight to feed her. This time I brought one of her favorite take-outs - Boston Market. She was super tired though, and I really had to struggle to get her to eat. She couldn't keep her focus. I didn't want to push her too hard because I've been told not to do that - that if she doesn't eat that its a sign that she wants to die or that it might be uncomfortable to eat and the she shouldn't be forced. On the other hand, I wanted to make sure that I fed her well, so it was a bit confusing on what to do exactly.

I think that I'll try again and this time get something really good - like crab cakes from the Cheesecake factory. And maybe a piece of cheesecake too. Something I know she really really likes. Its just hard too because the food gets cold because it takes so long to get her to eat.

Its a bit strange to be feeding my mother like this. She can't use her legs at all and is in a reclining wheelchair now. She's supposed to have a neck brace put on her when its meal time to help her keep her head up, but I just couldn't get myself to put that on her. Its so hard to get used to.

I met with my local Rabbi also and was comforted to find out more about what the mourning process will look like -- at least in terms of the Jewish framework for what is to be done. The rabbi told me something really interesting - that the goal or purpose for the framework is not to avoid celebrations, as I had read, but to avoid the trivial and to focus instead on honoring my mother. Jewish tradition is such that the mourning rituals for a parent last for an entire year. So, I should avoid making plans to go to concerts or the opera or vacations. It'll kind of be having my life on hold. And no big party for graduation. I'll have to rethink these things. But, most of all, I think that I should just not plan much for the next year or so.