JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

The Newest Set of Struggles

I don't have a lot of time to blog these days. I've fled my home due to a nearby wildfire. I am very sensitive to the smoke and ash, as well as get afraid of having to wake up to an evacuation order. So I'm staying at my advisor's place while she's out of town. Tuesday, my advisor returns and I'll likely have to find somewhere else to stay. Luckily, I have several friends with floors or couches offered to me and/or my dog.

So to escape the smoke, I'm flying to Kansas City on Saturday. I'll bring my dog who will stay there when I travel to a conference the end of the month. Then, I'll fly home without my dog. I get to be at home for as long as my mom isn't dying immediately. Because at that point, I'll drive to Kansas City either alone or with my boyfriend. I'll see my mother die, mourn, and travel back home with my dog. At least, this is the plan.

Mom had a major seizure today, so my plan may be scrunched up together. If you're unsure of how this all fits, read some earlier posts about what's happening with Mom's seizures. But, to make a long story short - she gets medication for seizures which works for about 3 weeks, and then she starts having seizures again. Then the medication gets upped and we start all over again. Well, next time the meds are upped, Mom will likely be so medicated that she'll no longer be awake and then due to lack of nourishment, will pass away.

This is an extremely stressful time. I'm trying to manage my emotions, find somewhere to live, make sure that my most precious belongings are out of the house and that insurance is in order, make travel plans, back up the computer, find somewhere to be during the day where the dog can be too....needless to stay, its very stressful.

But the good news is that I have a mask now which should help with the smoke, my home appears to be safe at least for the time being, many friends have offered me shelter, I have my best friend (aka the dog) with me, Mom is comfortable (with the exception of the seizures), and my boyfriend is a sweetheart who takes good care of me.

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Blogger April_optimist said...

Big (((((hugs)))))! How scary about the fires and the smoke. And how sad about your mother. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Sunday, July 06, 2008 9:43:00 AM  
Blogger tafka PP said...

I so wish that I could be there for you too, but I'm happy that at least the dog and the man are providing you with hugs.

Sending you lots of light xxx

Wednesday, July 09, 2008 4:48:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks April and Tafka. I spoke with someone from hospice that suggested that I make time for myself every single day - even if just to try and/or take deep breaths.

I listed the struggles in this post, but the quest is to balance feeling emotion and crying with being productive and getting things done.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008 9:05:00 AM  

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