JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Overwhelmed, BUT Healing

I just came back from the dentist, who put in a temporary crown. Everything went fine with the root canal this time (tfu tfu). He said that I can even travel on the 4th if I want to, although he made it seem like the temporary crown won't hold up until Fall. It'll be ready on the 12th, and I would love to stay here to have it put on.

I'm in a bit of pain right now, but I am really releaved that I'm past this. The dental hygenist said that the rest of my teeth are in really good shape, and she's even seeing improvement on their level of health. She said I get a gold star for hygine :P

I told my dad yesterday about everything with this. I was expecting him to freak out at me about not following his advice (just getting the tooth pulled). He seemed to sincerely feel bad for me; I think in part because he's so desperate to have me come back and help him take care of mom.

Alex will be here pretty shortly to start moving his stuff in. My stuff is everywhere and needs to be put away to make space for him. I am way behind in work and don't even want to start. I just want to go and hide somewhere for a couple of days - somewhere where there isn't pain, where I don't have to think about my mom dying, where I don't have anything that I have to do, where I can just be for a little bit. BUT, that's not going to happen. Maybe I'll decide to put off going to KC for another week and get the permanent crown and catch up on work a bit and build up my immune system a little before getting on a plane. *A* isn't going to like that, I don't know if I'd be able to find a decent ticket. Plus, shouldn't I just get a round trip at this point? Or will I drive back? There is so much to decide, so much to do. Still, I'm just grateful to be healing.


Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

I went through the root canal thing last summer, although I didn't have the anguish you've had with the infection. But, all in all, I'm glad I did it--the permanent crown has been no problem, and I think having it (rather than just having the tooth pulled) keeps the other teeth in better shape.

I vote for you designating a few days for yourself. You WILL feel better--if only because you claimed what you're entitled to: a bit of respite here and there, at LEAST. It's so important to admit to yourself that you just can't make everyone happy and so it's even more important to do what you can do to keep your own spirits up. I know I sound like Oprah, but, well, it's true.

Thursday, June 29, 2006 6:33:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

I like Oprah. And I know that you're right. The problem is figuring out how to do that. I'm so behind in work and my friend just moved into my home. I am trying to think of a weekend or something, for a real vacation, with a friend. I just got a call from an old friend who wants to visit in August, of course I won't be here, and he doesn't want to come to KC. I'm having dreams about it though, a few days somewhere with nothing to do, hmmmmmm.

Thursday, June 29, 2006 7:37:00 PM  

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