JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Thanks to All My Blog Supporters Who Have Made This a Great Year

I'm just noticing that its been a whole year that I've had this blog; I started March 2006. What a trip it has been! And I've had over 5000 hits and am getting many comments to posts. All in all, I think that blogging has been really good for me.

Last night, I was feeling anxious, so I just stopped everything and went to work out. I saw *A* and dropped off my mail on the way to the gym, since he works around the corner, and checked out the bookstore there. I'm getting a book on travel to the Oakland area and will stress about what to do while there for my conference after looking at the book. Merissa can't go with me, and I'm still tempted to like just make it work for Jerry by offering to buy his plane ticket and figuring out all the details. But, if I'm going to buy his ticket, I might as well consider just getting a nicer hotel room in a place where I feel safer and trying to find a way to do this on my own.

I wasn't sure what to do last night with myself. I saw that the Vagina Monologues were being performed at school and emailed some classmates, but no one was interested in going. Jerry had some dinner with his department recruits. Anyway, Jerry ended up meeting me for the show, which was great, and he liked it. I was amazed, especially because I just had a conversation with Sanchi about how her husband wasn't so thrilled about going. Jerry did notice that there weren't many men there, but he seemed to have a good time.

He also told me that he mentioned to his classmates that he's dating a Jewish feminist, aka me. And I feel good that we're settling into a relationship. He asked me to come by his department barbeque this afternoon - a big step in that its an acknowledgement to all of his peers that I'm his girlfriend. I also took him to meet my neighbor who has a dog that is my dog's boyfriend. I've known them since I moved out here, and that was kinda a step too.

Also, I was accepted to teach my OWN class this summer. Its a month and a half - the Sociology of Art and Literature - not my area, but I think that I can make it into a fun class. I'm very excited and was grateful yesterday to have something to focus my work time on.

And, I spoke with Mom today. She asked where I am and what I'm doing. I told her: "I'm going to school." Mom: "Ah right you're in college." Me: "I'm about to get my master's degree. And then I'm going to go to work on my disseratation....to get my doctorate....and then you'll have a daughter who is a dr." Mom said: "Wow, that's so wonderful. I'm really proud of you." I was talking to Mom while walking my dog, but that didn't stop me from crying a bit. What Mom said to me was the only lucid thing that she really got out in the conversation. She was looking forward to lunch at my sister's place when my dad would make hamburgers. She wrongly thought it was tomorrow, but she's still remembering a bit.

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8 Comments:

Blogger tafka PP said...

Hey, I recently took someone I dated to TVMs as well! Spooky. He also enjoyed it. Or so he said.

Happy Purim xxx

Saturday, March 03, 2007 2:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Peg Lee said...

Girl, you have come a long way in a year. Im very proud of you and your accoplishments. I still come by and read your blog, every few days, to check on you, but i rarely comment. Just been real busy taking care of Mom. This monday, we will place her in a nursing home, she has gotton worse, in the last stage of AD. I have been stretched thin over the last few months, and i know this is for the best of everyone involved including Mom. Best of Luck in all you do!!
(((HUGS)))
Peg

Saturday, March 03, 2007 6:44:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

PP - I thought about you during the "Short Skirt" monologue.

Peg, its good to know that you're still here. I completely understand - its a rough time. I wish you all the best.

Thanks both for your support.

Saturday, March 03, 2007 9:01:00 PM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

Although I have to say I'm celebrating that Jerry actually said he enjoyed TVM's, tafka pp's comment made me wonder if men say they enjoy it because their afraid to say they don't! Very good point, tafka pp!

Sounds like he's beginning to brag a little about you. That, I think is a good sign. A little unevolved, but good, nonetheless, considering the world in which we live.

I agree with peg lee, too, you've come an awfully long way in a year, most of it just lately, although the hard work that came before the advances and made them possible needs to be acknowledged. I'm so pleased to be a part of your audience, Karma. Your writing helps me shine a variety of different lights on my past, present and future.

The class you'll be teaching sounds really interesting and, yes, fun. I remain excited for you.

And, your Mom, well, hallelujah that, amidst her lack of lucidity, she continues to be able to communicate her love for you.

Sunday, March 04, 2007 12:09:00 AM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

I've been sitting here thinking about it and, despite what I said about Jerry liking the Vagina Monologues, it has just occurred to me that when someone says they like something because they're afraid to say they don't, it's probably because they don't understand it...
AND...
part of declaring something one doesn't feel involves having to defend, either out loud or to oneself, what one has said, which leads to further understanding of the thing in question, which might even lead to them understanding it enough to, well, at least consider it without dismissing it out of turn.

So, you know, maybe it's kind of a backward way of bringing oneself into some kind of light. Going backwards might be clumsy, but it's certainly a legitimate direction!

Sunday, March 04, 2007 12:45:00 AM  
Blogger Shari said...

First off, congrats on getting that teaching job.

What ambitions you have!! As my kids would say, "You Go, Girl."

Sounds like things are moving along nicely between you and Jerry.

I am glad that you had a good conversation with your mom.

Finally, Happy Blog Anniversary!!

Thanks for sharing.

Sunday, March 04, 2007 8:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm very proud of you also! I could not get over how amazingly relaxed and at ease you sounded when we last spoke. You really have come a long way. Sending a giant hug your way, please tell me how the art gazing went the other nite!!!

Teaching your own class sounds amazing, I'm happy you have the opportunity!

Love, S.

PS: What'd you eat the the bbq? Are you totally back to meat? :)

Monday, March 05, 2007 7:47:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks Gail, Shari, and Sanchi. Yea! I've come a long way baby! There's still much work to be done, but I guess perhaps that is one of the lessons of the year - that the benefits of the work aren't immediate. Anyway, it feels really good to be so supported here.

I used to be a vegetarian, but for years now I've eaten meat on occassion.

Monday, March 05, 2007 8:43:00 AM  

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