JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Too Hard to Swallow

I called my dad this morning while walking my dog. He told me that Mom is having a hard time swallowing pills these days; she just chews on them. So she's being moved to liquid medications for Ativan (which she takes to reduce seizures) a stool softener, and pain medication. She's being taken off Namenda and vitamins. Its a turn in the road from trying to extend her life to just making her comfortable.

Also, Mom's been having more seizures, so her Ativan is being increased which potentially means that she'll be sleeping more during the day and be more drowsy and out of it. At the same time, she's losing her ability to walk and get around. Pretty soon she'll be bed-ridden.

Last night, I had this great first date, walking on the beach with a guy who is an environmentalist and massage therapist for a living, plays music for fun, has a daughter that he is dedicated to, cares about politics, and just seems all around fantastic. Of course, my sense is that he's not AT ALL into me.

I went to the allergist today. I figure that if the migraines I get are triggered by food than perhaps that means I have food allergies. So, I got skin tested and found out that I'm allergic to WHEAT!!! Oy! There's wheat in EVERYTHING including, of course, matzah. So I'm charged with eliminating wheat completely from my diet for a month and then re-evaluate. I might be able to deal with the small amounts of wheat in processed foods at that point.

But, despite all of this, I'm actually in good spirits when I'm not mourning the above. I just completed my dissertation proposal (which tomorrow will be off to my committee for comments and revisions). It feels very good to be home. I attended a fantastic women's (mostly lesbian) seder two nights ago. And I'm appreciating that I DO have some really fantastic local friends - - Alena and Tara, Linda and Leslie, Jennifer, and Tonya. And I am very lucky to be in the situation that I'm in with my research team and excited to be coming to the last leg of my degree.

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Anonymous Mona Johnson said...


Thanks for the update. Sorry to hear that your mom isn't doing well...


Tuesday, April 22, 2008 5:12:00 AM  
Blogger I Survive! said...

Hey, it is great that you are getting closer to graduating. It must feel really great to be where you are! I wish you the best for the rest to go smooth (as much as it can :-)).

Wheat allergy, that sucks. But the good news is they actually have rice pasta now... and it is really good and so makes for a good replacement...

I'm glad to hear that you are in good spirits.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008 9:29:00 PM  
Anonymous tafka pp said...

Sending you some Spelt Matza down the ether...

Love from your equally-allergic friend who is going to a סדר נשים tonight- I don't think the LGTBQIQ proportions will be quite the same as yours, however!

Thursday, April 24, 2008 5:54:00 AM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

Sympathies--both on your mother's situation and the food allergies.

Thursday, April 24, 2008 2:41:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Spelt matzah, ha!!!

Thanks to all for your support.

Thursday, April 24, 2008 3:22:00 PM  

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