JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Pain of Moving On (Kvetching)

There was a commercial on tv tonight for pilsbury cinnamon rolls, and it made my cry a little bit. My mom used to wake us up to these, and my sister and I would run out of bed to get some warm cinnamon rolls to start our day. I miss Mom so much.

Ah men. *A* didn't call me, didn't respond to my text messages; he's completely blowing me off. This is the first Friday night in a very long time that I've been in town that has ended with us cuddling and falling asleep next to each other, and then going out the next morning for breakfast. It just breaks my heart a little bit. But, on a cute upside note, my dog came over to me at the computer in my pjs and is licking my leg. She's telling me its time for bed....Oh, and as I write this, he does send me a text message "miss u 2".

And then this morning though, I text him "want to go hiking today?" and he replies "can't today." He doesn't say why. He doesn't say how about tomorrow. He doesn't say let's do something later. I feel really blown off. Not only by him, but also by my other friends here. I mean I've been back for two weeks, and with a couple of exceptions, no one invites me out. And when I try to make plans with people, they often tell me that they have other plans and don't invite me along (like today).

I did completely get spoiled when I was in KC by my friend Kathy and a couple of other really good friends that I have. I know that I just need to put in the work to create those relationships here, but it is really hard in the short run.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Gail Rae said...

Karma, if your friends know why you were in KC and know about your mom, your grandmother and the problems you've had recently it could be that they're not blowing you off so much as afraid of what you've been doing and that they would get caught in a conversation with you in which they wouldn't know how to respond or might say "the wrong thing".
Not that this makes the situation any easier, but their reactions might not be a result of lack of feeling for you, but fear about being put on the spot to respond to your life without knowing exactly how to do it.
I'm not sure what the "cure" is for this, but, sometimes, looking at the cause from this perspective eases the shock of isolation.

Saturday, October 07, 2006 1:37:00 PM  
Blogger tafka PP said...

I know its a long way away, but in a few months you'll (hopefully) have someone around for a bit to go out for salad with... :)

Sunday, October 08, 2006 7:24:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

I completely understand that people aren't comfortable handling these difficult topics, and I have compassion.

Purple parrot, get your bird butt over here already!

Sunday, October 08, 2006 6:14:00 PM  

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