Why My Relationship with *A* is Tied to My Healing From the Rape

I just got back to therapy, and we left things with needing to explore more the tie (in my mind) between my relationship with *A* and healing from the rape. I feel like I need *A* to forgive me for what happened and for how I responded afterwards. I also feel like if I don't get a second chance from him that it means that the rapist robbed me of my relationship with *A*, and I don't want him to have that power.

I wrote about this a couple of months ago here. But, I realize how much this was an issue for me last year, before I got overwhelmed with the murder and my family and everything. I had gotten to the point of feeling like I could move on and get past it, but I think I'm kinda getting pushed back to feeling like I need to resolve this. Of course, maybe I can't resolve it because *A* doesn't want to work with me on it, and I really just need his forgiveness.

Or maybe the path for me right now is just to keep practicing moving past it on a daily basis - trying to let go of things with *A* a little more every day.