Shock and Denial: Still Not Giving Myself Permission to Have a Hard Time

Yesterday, in the support group, someone said, "It seems like you're having a hard week." I replied, "No, this week isn't too bad." I realize now that I've been kind of in denial about it. It is like I've decided that things are going to get better and that I'll get a lot done. But, it isn't just for me to decide. Things are rough now; they just are - the call with my aunt, the conference with Dad about Namenda for Mom, the call with Mom's cousin pushing me to take on Dad, the way that *A* is treating me and the pressure from my advisor - yeah, this has been a rough week. And that's okay, right? I mean, it isn't what I want, but it is okay. I have to be more gentle with myself and re-evaluate my expectations.

Here's what I'm struggling with though - how to balance my limitations with moving forward with work and my thesis, with pushing myself to connect with others and doing things that I enjoy and having down time, with taking care of things for Mom and Grandma and taking care of myself, with opening myself up again to new people and protecting myself from getting hurt again, with asking for help from others without pushing others away with how rough things are and how needy I am.

I have been taking it pretty easy today trying to get over the migraine. I'm paying close attention to what I'm eating. I went to see my acupunturist. I'm making the poor dog wait to go for her walk until the sun goes down (well hopefully, she'll wait) (bright light = bad for migraine). I'm making plans to go visit friends coming up North even though it'll mean taking a weekend off right before I take another weekend off to go a wedding. I realize now too that my belief that my peers are working around the clock is false; everyone's got limitations.